Westward Ho !!!

I know you haven't heard from me in a while but there's a very good reason for my extended absence.

The short version is that things went south in Omaha. The job finally got to me. I had a bit of a breakdown in the office one afternoon and after a couple of months in rehab I spent some time contemplating retirement. Unfortunately, with the current state of Social Security I'll be fucked in the ass, financially, if I don't keep working until age 90. So, I did a bit of soul searching and picked up some contract work through a temp agency.

The agency sent me all around the country helping small businesses sort out their accounting and financial issues. I spent a good eight months living out of hotel rooms and suitcases. After the Tomaine poisioning incident at the Waffle House in Rolla, Missouri and the Angina Attack at the Ramada Inn in Ocean City, Maryland I decided that I'd had enough. The cross-continental flights and the jet lag were finally wearing the old man down. It was finally time for Ted Killgore to move on.

I was at a DoubleTree Hotel in Oklahoma City when I'd first had the thought about going into the Wal-Mart and laying down my last paycheck on a pistol and shuffling myself off this mortal coil. Don't misunderstand, it wasn't just being in Okie City that made me suicidal but the whole direction my life was going at this point. With suicide on my mind, I went to the hotel bar and threw back a few shots of bravery; convinced that I would indeed put a bullet in my brain.

After the 5th shot of Tequila I get a call from my lawyer, back in Omaha, telling me that my whore of an ex-wife has re-married and I was free from the shackles of Alimony. I was so exicted I did a strip tease right there in the bar. After spending my mandatory 48 hours in the county drunk tank I drove my rental car straight back to Omaha. When I got home I called the Real Estate agent and immediately put my house on the market. I decided that if I was going to start a new life for meself I needed to sell off all this shit I'd been hanging on to and had the biggest yard sale since the Apache, Oklahoma Rattlesnake Festival. After the house sold I packed up my clothes and a few other sundries that I'd decided to keed and did what Horace Greeley told me to to - Go West. While Horace picked the direction, I picked the destination - sunny California.

Now I'm getting settled into my new condo and adjusting to life out here in Fresno. I've got a new job driving the mock-steam train at the Roeding Park Playland and I pick up some extra cash around the Holidays playing Santa Claus at the Fashion Fair Mall.

Finally, 'ol Ted's getting a taste of the good life.